From Bar Mitzvah  to Buddha

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Dr. Graham Howe, one of Britain’s top ranking psychiatrists, said:

“To read a little of Buddhism is to realize that the Buddhists
knew, two thousand five hundred years ago, far more about our
modern problems of psychology than they have been given credit
for. They studied these problems long ago and found the answers
also. We are now discovering the Ancient Wisdom of the East.”

The Buddha was the first to throw intelligent light on the human mental process. The important thing for us to remember is that the mind controls our speech and our actions, so the nature of the mind determines what we say and do. Because the Buddha taught his followers that they themselves make or mar their own happiness, so we must rely on our own efforts and not seek salvation from a deity or supernatural being. According to the teachings of the Buddha, if a man relies simply on himself, it is considered a weakness to seek aid and favors by praying. Instead of prayer, Buddha taught his students to meditate and develop the mind so we would be able to face life’s difficulties and overcome them. In the process, we learn that neither suffering nor happiness is permanent. In the case of happiness, we only need a little patience and fortitude to wait for things to change.

This self reliance was a very difficult process for me to achieve. Since childhood I grew up with the belief that God would either protect or punish me. If I did good, he would protect me; if not, I would pay the ultimate retribution. In the Jewish belief system, there is one day when we must atone for all our sins of the year and that is the holiest of days, Yom Kippur.

On this day, we are told to confess all our sins, that we will be forgiven by God, and he will write us into the book of life for another year. If we don’t admit our guilt, dire consequences will befall us. Until a Jewish boy has his bar mitzvah, his parents are responsible for all of his sins, but when he reaches the age of thirteen, he is considered to be entering manhood and therefore becomes totally accountable for himself. My mind boggles with all the things we got away with as kids. It is a rude awakening after the bar mitzvah speech, to begin immediately to be judged for everything you do. I immediately went home and hid my Playboy magazines. Because of an over reactive Mother, all things became catastrophic. My mother and I would engage in endless prayer sessions with every minor cold and scratch.

Another inherited trait with European Jews is “superstition.” I was never allowed to say I was well or happy, because to do so would cause an anhora, an evil spell of some sort. If somebody asked me how I was and I replied I was doing “Great,” my Mother would immediately invoke a protective clause by uttering the words “canahora poo poo poo.” (roughly speaking), spitting three times. Hence one of the reasons why the majority of Jewish men are in therapy or are psychiatrists themselves.

The Buddhist is at a great advantage because he does not lose sight of reality during the happy moments and he does not give away to despair in the face of misfortune. The Buddhist knows that existence is controlled by balanced natural laws and prayer can only be used to express a desire that these laws should change for one’s individual benefit, or that we wish for something we have not earned or are not entitled to. If natural laws could be upset in this way, we would be obtaining things at someone else’s expense.

In almost every one of the great religions of the world, faith is required of the followers because many of the teachings and doctrines are incompatible with reason. Buddhism strikes a great contrast in this respect; the Buddha asked only for confidence based on understanding and reason. He taught that blind acceptance is of no use to an individual because it does not require enough depth of knowledge to make it valuable or serve as a guide along life’s path. This broad outlook is one of the reasons Buddhism is now finding so many ready converts in the West.

Is this the true story of a Jew who became a Buddhist? Not really. I’m just a fellow traveler on the journey, seeking the same things you are. This, then, is my invitation for you to join me, as we open the door to Zentrepreneurism and a new world of doing business.

Buddha says: “If one finds a friend with whom to fare, rapt in the well-abiding rapt, surmounting dangers one and all with joy, fare with him mindfully.”

Embracing Compassion

Despite its wealth, the United States, has the smallest proportionate middle class and the greatest gap between rich and poor of any industrialized nation. As more and more Americans fall through the cracks into privation and poverty, they also fall victim to the predatory economic institutions that Howard Karger examines so thoroughly and powerfully in his book Shortchanged. Like such classics as Nickel and Dimed, Shortchanged is a wakeup call for action to redirect our economy toward fairness and ethics.

What is fundamentally right about the above statement and so dangerously wrong? Well, if we take a hard look at the underbelly of America we might not like what we see. A nation priding itself on being a land of great opportunity and wealth, and a land where immigrants came and staked their claim to the American dream. All things are possible in America: just start a business and you will achieve enormous wealth. That was the promise, an inviting scenario. Jim Jones said, “Drink the Kool-Aid and you’ll reach Nirvana.” Somebody lied!

I remember forty years ago when I graduated from the University of Montana, my Uncle Leon from Philadelphia asked me a direct question: Are you going to stay in the U.S. after graduation or go back to Canada? I said I hadn’t made up my mind yet. His response was equally pointed. How could I possibly think of returning to Canada? I would not have the same opportunities to get rich as I would have in the good ol’ USA. Also, Canada is so backward and America is blessed with so much more of everything. He left out the part about having more “poverty” in America than in Canada, and a health system in Canada that helps people get better as opposed to a system in the U.S. that enables the rich to get well and the poor to get sicker, and the middle class to go bankrupt. America the beautiful or America the tarnished? But hey, more incentive to make more money, right? Wrong. What price glory?

My uncle and his family and, for that matter, all my American relatives equated a high degree of success in life to the acquisition of personal wealth. Becoming a successful lawyer or doctor or owning a multimillion-dollar company with the accompanying “nice” Jewish girl and split-level mansion in the suburbs was the ultimate goal, and deserving of bragging rights to the rest of the family. And if you should have the misfortune of being a truck driver or shoe salesman, alas, much pity would befall your parents for producing such a social misfit.

It’s the Goodbye, Columbus syndrome of Jewish dating starring Richard Benjamin and Ali McGraw. A Jewish man and a Jewish woman meet and although they’re attracted to one another, they find their worlds are very different. She is the archetypal Jewish American Princess, very emotionally involved with her parents’ world and the world they have created for her. He, on the other hand, is much less dependent on his family. They begin an affair that brings more differences to the surface.

In the movie Goodbye Columbus Neil Klugman works in the public library and lives in New York with his Jewish aunt rather than in Arizona with his parents. College girl Brenda Patimkin very much lives with her well-to-do Jewish family. Even so, the two are attracted and start seeing one another. As the relationship gets more serious, Brenda’s mother becomes increasingly hostile toward Neil, thinking her daughter will end up marrying beneath her.

There is a certain degree of logic and rationale to this syndrome. After all most Jewish immigrants who came to the United States had escaped the unspeakable horrors of the Nazis in concentration camps and they were holocaust survivors. My belief is that they wanted a life for their children that was totally opposite to what they had experienced. So they went overboard, wanting only the best of everything for their kids.

Also, there was a belief that the only way Jews could escape anti-Semitism was to work for themselves. I took that belief with me into society and became paranoid every time I had a gentile boss. Would he find out I was Jewish and then find a reason to fire me? The best decision I ever made was to leave Edmonton and attend an American college, the University of Montana, which then had a population on campus of three Jewish students and 3,200 gentiles. My first roommate was Tom Gillon from Chester, Montana, who had never heard of a Jew, and my second was George Paige, a black football player from Portland, whose father was a judge. When I tried out for the basketball team, I met Ray Lucien, the only black guy on the team. Ray was from Baton Rouge and his was a poverty stricken family. The only jacket Ray had was the letterman jacket he got for being on the team. He loved that jacket – even slept in it.

I have fond recollections of those days, which seemed remarkably free of prejudice. George, Ray, and I would often have dinner together talking about our futures. We took different paths, but I believe we had one thing in common: a genuine sense of compassion, trust, and love for another. At that time, I could not understand the resentment my relatives had for the blacks in South Philadelphia, viewing them as being no more than second-class citizens. I would ask them, “How can you persecute them, when we have been the persecuted ones from generation to generation?” Their answer was a subtle form of racism. “You don’t know how they live because you’re not around them.”

I love my extended Philadelphia family, but I don’t have to like their beliefs. The frightening part is that I honestly believe they represent much of mainstream white America’s thinking. They moved three times from their South Philadelphia home, and each time it was to an all white suburban neighborhood. When Overbrook Park became inhabited by blacks, they moved to Overbrook Hills, and finally, to an all white gated retirement community in Florida.

I began to become less paranoid about being Jewish and more accepting of the equality in us all. Having grown up entirely in a protective “Jewish only” environment, I began to assimilate with the rest of the world, beginning my ascent into having “compassion” for all beings. Not an easy task for a “brain-washed” only child who believed everything his mother and father told him. This is not to say I did not experience my own share of bullying and anti-Semitism as a child. I did, but my dad, God bless him, always told me to not fight back – to simply walk away and feel sorry for the attackers. At that time, I became more passive than aggressive in the resolution of conflict, more judicious in my understanding of people, their motivation to become angry, and the price to pay for fighting and war.

Buddha says: “To feel true compassion for all beings, we must remove any partiality from our attitude toward them.”

Our normal view of others is dominated by fluctuating and discriminating emotions. We feel a sense of closeness toward loved ones, while with strangers or acquaintances we feel distant. For those individuals who we perceive as hostile, unfriendly, or aloof, we feel aversion or contempt.

The criterion for our classifying people as friends or enemies seems straightforward – if a person has caused us difficulty or harm, he or she is a foe. Mixed with our fondness for our loved ones are emotions that inspire passionate intimacy, such as attachment and desire. Similarly, we view those whom we dislike with negative emotions such as anger and hatred. Consequently, our compassion toward others is limited, partial, prejudicial, and conditioned by whether we feel close to them. Genuine compassion must be unconditional. Now I’m sure, if you are reading this on the New York subway, it’s difficult to adopt this concept and attempt to view the stranger sitting next to you with compassion.

However, if we are to begin this journey toward enlightenment and follow the Eightfold Path of Buddha, compassion is high on the list. Once you become aware of this, your eyes will open to the way we are used to interacting with all beings. Sometimes in conversation I still catch myself only partially listening to responses. I’m already moving ahead with my own agenda. Now I pay particular attention to what people are saying, who they are, and what they have to say about their business and their lives. I have discovered you can connect with people at a deeper, more compassionate level, without becoming a therapist, and you can be free to just LISTEN!

There is one last consideration, and it comes from the Dalai Lama:

“As human beings, our well-being very much depends upon that of others, and our very survival is a result of contributions made by innumerable fellow human beings. Whether directly or indirectly, countless others are involved in our survival-not to mention our happiness.”

If we extend this line of reasoning beyond the confines of a single lifetime, we can imagine that throughout our previous lives – in fact, since time without beginning – countless others have made innumerable contributions to our welfare, the Dalai Lama concludes,

“What grounds have I to discriminate? How can I be close to some and hostile toward others? I must rise above all feelings of partiality and discrimination; I must be of benefit to all, equally!”

How do we train our minds to perceive the essential quality of all living beings? It is best to cultivate the feeling of equanimity by first focusing on relative strangers or acquaintances, those for whom you have no strong feeling one way or the other. From there you should meditate impartially, moving on to friends and then enemies. Once we achieve an impartial attitude toward all conscious beings, the Dalai Lama encourages us “to meditate on love, the wish that others find the happiness they seek.” It is a noble concept, to actually want someone else to achieve happiness before you do. This was another equally challenging task for the selfish, only child, narcissistic author of this book. It was a huge awakening, but the seed was planted in me and is blossoming. And what I have learned is that the seed of compassion will grow as the Dalai Lama says:

“If you plant it in fertile soil, a consciousness moistened with love. When you have watered your mind with love, you can begin to meditate upon compassion. Compassion, here, is simply the wish that all conscious beings be free of suffering.”

Now how does this relate to the world of business you might ask? Well stay tuned and you will find out.

The Relentless Pursuit of Success

Whenever individuals become mesmerized by “famous people,” whether they are movie stars, millionaires, or world leaders, these people become the measuring stick for true success. The people I admire most are Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama, and Nelson Mandela. Why? Because, although they are famous, their success is measured by accomplishments of the human spirit. I believe many people sabotage their own lives by believing that unless they attain the lofty heights of greatness and success measured by the likes of Richard Branson or Donald Trump, they really won’t have it all. And after all, isn’t that the American way – to have it all? That’s why we live in America. As a Canadian citizen, I recognize that Canadians are not immune to that belief system either. It’s just tempered by a socialistic political ideology.

Recently I was invited to a seminar given by a colleague who went to great lengths to tell me he was on the same path as I. He suggested we do business together and that I should refer my client base to his seminars. I’ve become quite attuned to sensing what’s real and what’s fluff, but this one fooled me. I truly believed he was who he said he was becoming. To his credit, he did say that I should see his “performance” before recommending my clients. Thank goodness I did.

I went to the seminar with an open mind, but within the first ten minutes I had a feeling of déjà vu. As one of the early franchise owners for Robbins International (Tony Robbins), I learned that one of the requirements was to have information sessions for prospective customers. Of course, we were always told to have converts in the room with testimonials at the ready on how this program had changed their lives.

As I scanned the room, I noticed how the “newbies” were squirming in their seats, while the converts were raising their hands and saying yes at the appropriate prompting of my friend, the leader. The standard sets of questions were asked, i.e., “How many of you want to have success and wealth in your lives? How many of you want to learn the seven secrets of the top millionaires in the world? How many of you are truly happy in your life now? How many of you would like to have a loving and successful relationship with your spouse or partner? How many of you would like residual income so that you can give to the charity of your choice? How many of you would like to live your life to the fullest? How many of you believe a million dollars is enough to retire on?” And for the closing, “If I could teach you the seven ways to achieve ultimate happiness in your life and your business, what would that be worth to you?”

I found I couldn’t take much more. I was about to leave when mercifully he asked us to break into groups of three in order to exchange goal setting ideas. I bolted for the door. Out in the fresh air, I took a deep breath and thanked the universe for delivering me from the hype and glory seekers to a place of right action, right mindfulness, right livelihood, truth, integrity, and compassion. I make no apologies for the fact I am just learning the Buddha principles; I have found more joy in being a recent student on this path than I ever had in a lifetime of buying franchises, becoming a Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) distributor or running motivational self help workshops for fun and profit.

Think about it. What would you like to have written at your grave site or spoken at your eulogy? “Bob was a great guy, he had triple his sales quota in 2004, he drove a brand new Jaguar, had a 24,000 square foot house with a pool, he built a business empire and retired a multi-millionaire, he always measured his success by his wealth and building crucial skills in today’s business world. He led effectively with cutting-edge principles. He achieved greatness for himself and his entire organization. And most important of all, he followed the universal principle; “WE MUST BUILD TRUE SUCCESS IN OUR LIVES AND WORK.” Do you get the picture?

Here’s what I would hope they write about me: “Allan was a kind and gentle man, who always stopped to help those who needed help. He always put others first before himself. He was a loving and compassionate human being. He cared deeply for his children, his grandchildren, and the loves of his life. He valued his friendships as he did his family. He always tried to remember the good things about his mother and father. He honored and respected all whom he came in contact with. He was a man of the utmost integrity and trust. He valued, loved and appreciated the woman in his life, Roxanne. He was grateful to all who mentored, supported, healed, and blessed his life while on this earth.”

These words are words of hope, because the truth is I am on the path of still fulfilling these noble aspirations, and once the journey ends, I will know that I have achieved what truly is important, not success, but enlightenment.

Buddha says: “Do not err in this matter of self and other. Everything is Buddha without exception. Here is that immaculate final stage, where thought is pure in its true nature.”

Beware of Gurus Bearing Gifts

In my relentless pursuit of learning who I am and what this journey of discovery is all about, people are appearing in my life who are in what I have been calling “purposeful alignment.” Recently I met with an old friend, who has now built himself a very successful coaching and seminar business. We shared “war stories” about what it’s been like to be in business without the self-styled Western gurus lurking in the wings, it was now totally up to us as the captains of our own ships.

We had similar experiences with individuals who ride the roller coaster of fame and fortune and are quite eager to take those of us who are willing along for the ride. We have all met them, and in our desperate need to accomplish something great in our lives – whether it’s financial freedom or being recognized as a leader we are willing to give up body and soul to follow them, despite the fact we know that these individuals are ego-based narcissists.

They are known to the Western world, mistakenly, as gurus. Western style gurus come in many forms: self help, motivational, spiritual, medical, sales, marketing, and almost every category of human and business life. Sometimes we humans need a little help getting from point A to point B. Perhaps it’s the feeling that we still need the guiding hand of a parent. The truth is that we are by nature followers when it comes to anyone who even remotely appears to replace our parents. It’s like we all need a “Moses” to take us to the promised land of milk and honey.

And so the gurus continually show up on our radar screen, until we learn we can actually manage life without them and really be at peace with our own sense of integrity and truth. Only then are we able to design our own destiny. We don’t need to live someone else’s dream, vision, or reality. As my friend and I began to share stories of life under the shadow of our personal Western style gurus we realized the common theme is one of being dispensable when the Great Guru no longer needs you or you no longer worship the Great Guru. The moment of truth comes when you realize that person is neither a guru, your father, your mother, or the person you think can take you to the top of the mountain. The minute your loyalty and allegiance is in question you’re likely to be abandoned. You have to reach the pinnacle yourself.

Another point comes to light here. I have been in search of personal gurus my entire life, and, interestingly enough, they have found me. Every time they have found me I have been in a state of need, and seeking answers and meaning to my life. However, rather than look within, I have always chosen the easier route of having someone else look after me, someone else whom I perceived to have all the answers. And I was willing to pay big bucks to follow this gallivanting guru to the Promised Land, and to have him take me out of the darkness and into the light. Yes, it’s difficult to be alone in the dark, whether you are a child or an adult.

The lesson both my friend and I learned was that we can essentially retain all our ideas, maintain our self -respect and integrity, and venture forth alone to accomplish what we were meant to accomplish and what we love to do. We can empower others to do it alone as well. We are merely guides and mentors. And for that reason we need to abolish the term guru in our western society and replace it with the term mentor or guide. I believe strongly in using the term guru only with reference to the Eastern religion definition of the “true” guru. According to Webster’s dictionary (Literally the word guru means teacher) Second level of its meaning is that the guru is a spiritual leader, a saint, an Enlightener. GU (darkness) RU (light); One who brings light into darkness. A teacher. However, the meaning of the word Guru in Sikh terminology is at a further higher level, and it stands for the ‘prophet.’ The practice is based on a long line of Hindu philosophical understandings of the importance of knowledge and that the teacher, guru, is the sacred conduit to self-realization. Till today in India and among people of Hindu or Sikh persuasion, the title retains its significant hallowed space.

The Dalai Lama speaking of the importance of the guru, said:

“Rely on the teachings to evaluate a guru: Do not have blind faith, but also no blind criticism. The guru in Buddhism represents a set of teachings and beliefs stating that no common man is a god or a guru and that we are all interconnected to one another to do good and be good. We are to understand that it is through the collaborative efforts of humankind that we will always come from a place of abundance and happiness.”

I hope this book serves as a wellspring for your own journey of self-discovery. And I encourage you to write me with your own personal story; it will be printed, with your permission, in a follow-up book. Pay attention to those serendipitous meetings with people who just appear in your life. They are a reminder of the past, a test to see if you’ll drink the Kool-Aid again, or have learned your lesson, that you don’t need a guru, you simply need a fellow traveler for the journey.

Buddha says: “Grasping after systems, imprisoned by dogmas for the most part in this world. But he who does not go in for system-grasping he neither doubts nor is perplexed; by not depending on others, knowledge herein comes to be his own.”

The Misguided Life of a Recovering MLM Addict

The pressure to succeed can be so strong that you are willing to sacrifice your integrity and your friends to join a multi-level marketing company, and only because somebody told you they were “looking for a few good leaders” to help others become financially independent and successful. And when you go on stage, you pad your monthly earnings, so that others will say; “Well, if he can make it and he’s just a truck driver, I can make millions.” Then you see your “up line” driving a Jaguar and you’re still driving the Volkswagen van, and you wonder what’s wrong with this picture.

Next you read a book by Robert Fitzpatrick called False Profits: Spiritual Deliverance from Multi-level Marketing, and you find out that only 4 percent of Multi-level Marketing participants actually make any significant money. In their haste to enroll their down line, your up line will never tell you that truth. I’ve been there; I’ve been an up line and I am also a recovering MLM addict, having been involved in multi-level companies starting with every letter of the alphabet from Amway to Jewelway. And remember the scorn when you left the tribe you were banished to the Island of MLM Quitters, the equivalent of a leper colony, and nobody would talk to you or be seen with you. Robert L. Fitzpatrick has spent years investigating the Multi-level Marketing industry; you’ll find his take on the pyramid scheme epidemic in chapter 6.